Teens and Healthy Dating

Help your son or daughter avoid negative relationships

Warning Signs for Parents

Abuse may be present if your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend…

• is jealous and sulks when your child spends time with other friends
• insults or belittles your child
• refuses to spend time with your family and attempts to alienate your child
• threatens suicide if your child breaks up with him/her

Abuse may be present if your teen…

• has had a slip in grades since the relationship began
• constantly makes excuses for the partner’s bad behavior
• often has unexplained bruises

Your Community, Your Hospital

Physical, sexual and emotional abuse are medical issues, and Lehigh Valley Hospital is committed to helping prevent and treat these problems. Our SAFE (sexual assault forensic examiner) nurses are specially educated to care for and support sexual abuse victims, help convict attackers and build community awareness. We also partner with Turning Point, a local organization (led by Pam Russell, in photo) that provides services for victims of domestic violence. Since doctors and nurses are often the first contact for battered women, we’re working with Turning Point to teach medical professionals to screen for domestic violence and make referrals when needed. “This collaboration is helping victims,” Russell says, “and that’s something to celebrate.”

Living with a teenager in love is never easy. But when you suspect emotional or physical abuse is part of the relationship, it’s a nightmare. “Teens are excited to have a first romance, but may be too inexperienced to realize what a normal dating relationship is,” says Judy Illingworth, licensed clinical social worker at Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “They mistake jealousy and possessiveness for love.”

“Controlling behavior often leads to physical or sexual abuse,” says Illingworth’s colleague, sexual assault forensic examiner Barbara Fadale, R.N. “Girls afraid of losing their boyfriends give in to pressure to have sex.” They seldom report a sexual assault by their current boyfriend, and those with low self-esteem may even hesitate to report rape by a former partner because they feel they deserved it.

“Alcohol is often a factor,” Fadale says. “Girls think they have no recourse if they or their partner were drunk. They need to know that alcohol does not mean consent, it wasn’t their fault and they won’t be judged.”

Boys aren’t often victims of physical assault, and if they are, they typically shrug it off. But they’re as vulnerable as girls are to emotional abuse by a jealous and controlling partner (of either gender).

“Our society accepts controlling behavior in relationships,” says Abby Letcher, M.D., family medicine physician at Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “Having control over a partner makes people feel powerful—whether they’re adults or teens. No wonder our kids confuse control with love.”

What can a parent do? Because young people are trying to assert their independence from parents, it may be easier for a friend or sibling to help your teen see she’s being abused. Don’t try to force a breakup—that just puts her in another controlling relationship. Your best strategy is to keep the lines of communication open, avoid being judgmental, and try to teach your child that love is about behavior, not just feelings. If you feel you need professional help, don’t hesitate. “It’s heartbreaking,” Letcher says, “but with patience, you can help your child realize she deserves better treatment.”

Want to Know More about recognizing and dealing with abuse or the Teens and Dating Violence Symposium? Click above and click on the links in the column on the right side of this page.

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